Please stop growing up

Tonight I watched Kylan put herself to sleep while holding her own bottle. She removed the bottle multiple times and put it right back where it belongs, in her "vacuum mouth" as Ken likes to call it. When she was done, she drifted off to sleep as peacefully as you could imagine. I stared at her perfect face. I drank in her little fingers and gave her big soft kiss on her doughy cheek. I thought to myself, "please stop growing up."

1 day old.

now.

I want Kylan to be a good person. Respectful. Kind. Caring. Happy. I want her to stand up for herself when she is being bullied but never be the "mean girl." I struggle with this because I was such a bossy child. I want to live my life by example. I hope what she learns from me is strength and independence not aggression or intimidation. Children do this to you. Make you evaluate who you are and try to be the best you can be. You are their role models after all.

Every parent likes to brag about their child. I am no exception. Kylan really is incredibly smart for her age. She has mastered rolling over well before many other children. It's to the point though where I would take back that milestone in a heartbeat. All she wants to do is roll. You put her on the changing table and you need to have her in a vice grip it seems in order to get the diaper on. She even rolled off the bed once. Yeah, I know. Ken wouldn't let me live it down either.

she has found her feet

I like exposing her to things. I enjoy seeing her take in her environment. You can clearly tell she's absorbing all the sights and sounds. Of course, like any baby, her favorite way to take in anything is through her mouth.

I worry that I expose her too much. That she will be an introvert more like her daddy and be bothered by my exploitation of her through my blog or through magazine contests. She has no voice yet. Let me take that back because she has an extremely loud voice (like her mama). She has no ability to voice her thoughts yet.

Being a mother is challenging. I would never tell a new mom that, "it's everything you dreamed of." Because it's not. You will never be prepared for a child, no matter the age. And that is exactly the beauty of it.