The (un)Happiest Place on Earth
WARNING: This post might crush all your hopes and dreams so please do yourself a favor and click out if you are 1) A Disney fanatic or 2) Never been but prefer to have a positive outlook on what it might entail.
If you haven't figured it out, this post is about Disney World. Specifically, my most recent trip with my five year oldterror princess, Kylan.
I wanted to love it, I really, really wanted to love it. For months I planned. We had matching custom made outfits, purchased our mickey mouse ears well in advance, booked character dining reservations, etc., etc.
I even decided to surprise Kylan on the day of.
Me: "Guess where we are going today."
Ky: "Where?"
Me: "DISNEY WORLD"
Ky: "Ohhhhhh........"
😑
I wasn't about to let my daughter's lack of enthusiasm ruin my mood though. I had a delayed flight and systems down when we arrived to the car rental agency at 2AM to do that for me, but I digress...
I've decided that Disney is for adults who aren't ready to grow up. There, I said it. It is in no way shape or form for small children. The lines. The heat. The tourists. All of it is absolute hell. No kid would sign themselves up for it. Don't even get me started on the fast pass debacle. In case you didn't know, you are able to reserve 3 fast passes 30 days (60 days for those staying on-site and season pass holders) in advance of your trip. These so-called "fast" passes allow you to bypass the "longer" lines so that you can wait in the "semi-longer" lines. Did they save us time? Sure. Did we still wait in long ass lines. Absolutely.
And then there's the rides. BORING AF. All my kid wanted to ride was a roller coaster. There are approximately ZERO roller coasters at Epcot and only ONE at Animal Kingdom. Kylan was 1/4 inch too short to ride the AK roller coaster. Cue meltdown.
I also learned my kid doesn't like to get wet on rides? So what was I even doing coming to Florida? How dare I plan an elaborate Disney trip and surprise her. The nerve.
Character dining. WASTE OF MONEY. Not only did we spend a ridiculous amount of time waiting for Mickey Mouse to come visit our table, Donald Duck just straight up SKIPPED us. Didn't even get an f'ing wave: "Hey, thanks for spending $200 on breakfast, byeeee."
Swimmer's ear, sunburnt, tired, and the sugar high wearing off, we ended each night in a scream fest.
So yeah, did we make some good memories? Of course. Were they worth thousands of dollars? Debatable. Silver lining - I don't have a child demanding to go back to Disney anytime soon.
If you haven't figured it out, this post is about Disney World. Specifically, my most recent trip with my five year old
I wanted to love it, I really, really wanted to love it. For months I planned. We had matching custom made outfits, purchased our mickey mouse ears well in advance, booked character dining reservations, etc., etc.
I even decided to surprise Kylan on the day of.
Me: "Guess where we are going today."
Ky: "Where?"
Me: "DISNEY WORLD"
Ky: "Ohhhhhh........"
😑
I wasn't about to let my daughter's lack of enthusiasm ruin my mood though. I had a delayed flight and systems down when we arrived to the car rental agency at 2AM to do that for me, but I digress...
Circa 2001, having survived the Y2K crash my mom decided to splurge on a trip to Orlando
I've decided that Disney is for adults who aren't ready to grow up. There, I said it. It is in no way shape or form for small children. The lines. The heat. The tourists. All of it is absolute hell. No kid would sign themselves up for it. Don't even get me started on the fast pass debacle. In case you didn't know, you are able to reserve 3 fast passes 30 days (60 days for those staying on-site and season pass holders) in advance of your trip. These so-called "fast" passes allow you to bypass the "longer" lines so that you can wait in the "semi-longer" lines. Did they save us time? Sure. Did we still wait in long ass lines. Absolutely.
Yo, there's even a line to get the characters' autographs. Lines on lines on lines.
And then there's the rides. BORING AF. All my kid wanted to ride was a roller coaster. There are approximately ZERO roller coasters at Epcot and only ONE at Animal Kingdom. Kylan was 1/4 inch too short to ride the AK roller coaster. Cue meltdown.
I also learned my kid doesn't like to get wet on rides? So what was I even doing coming to Florida? How dare I plan an elaborate Disney trip and surprise her. The nerve.
Character dining. WASTE OF MONEY. Not only did we spend a ridiculous amount of time waiting for Mickey Mouse to come visit our table, Donald Duck just straight up SKIPPED us. Didn't even get an f'ing wave: "Hey, thanks for spending $200 on breakfast, byeeee."
(this is our own private "viewing" with Mickey after having bitched to management... they gave us a free fast pass)
Forced pictures with the princesses because... THIS. IS. DISNEY.
A picture's worth a thousand words amirte?
The cherry on the top? We missed our flight to come back home. Had to wait in the airport for 6 hours. Never again.
These two are friggen cute though:
So yeah, did we make some good memories? Of course. Were they worth thousands of dollars? Debatable. Silver lining - I don't have a child demanding to go back to Disney anytime soon.
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