Grateful

Being a parent is the most meaningful job I'll ever have and I can never retire from it. It's bittersweet this whole new "mommy" title I've taken on because I can't go back to the old Kayla. But I can honestly say the fear of missing out on my youth or the frustration with my loss of independence is finally fading.

Because I have a child that makes life more interesting...
My daughter smiled for the first time at a stranger at Longhorns on Sunday after I had just cleaned up a major diaper explosion.

We took Santa pictures and Ky slept through them. So we changed her outfit and I tickled her feet and she woke up for .3 seconds. Just enough time to get the perfect pic.

I'm finally getting into the swing of things. I worried the most about lack of sleep. Ask anyone who knows me. I'm strict on "I need to get my 8 hours!" or else I can't function. Well you learn to survive on whatever Ky lets you have that given night. If it's 2 hours then you nap during the day. If it's 6, well then hallelujah!

Ken and I went out for dinner to Cracker Barrel. It was hard for me to want to go anywhere the first couple weeks of Ky's life. "What if I have to feed her?? I don't have my boppy or my pillows or my pump...omg" "What if she has a meltdown in public and I don't know what to do?" These were a few of my concerns. But then I started getting depressed. A big part of what makes me me is socialization. It took a while for me to realize why I wasn't as happy as I should be and it's because I was becoming stir crazy.

I have to say that it wasn't easy. But my new life isn't easy. It's challenging and tiring. And at the same time it's joyous and eventful. Luckily I'm up for the challenge and I can now say that I honeslty wouldn't have it any other way. So while I rocked Ky in one hand and force fed myself at an unusually fast pace I thought, "you got this." Because we do, Ken and I have finally figured out this parenting thing. You change diaper, I apply rash cream. You get the right arm in her sleeve, I'll get left. Or my favorite, feeding Ky on one side while pumping the other ;)

This holdiay season I am thankful for my family. I have more love in my life than I could possibly need. And when I find myself getting down I can dwell on these memories I have created through my pictures, my blog, and my everday life. All the while you can find me listening to some Christmas music and smelling the cinnamon candle burning or the big beautiful pine tree that looked way smaller in it's package then in our living room...

The newborn stage doesn't last forever and someday I'll look back with the same thoughts every parent comes to reflect on, "where did the time go?". Today I live for today, not for tomorrow.