Sister Wives

March 04, 2017

Sister Wives

"Let's go on a trip!" she said.

"It'll be so much fun!" she said.

"Our kids will have a blast and we will feel so refreshed" she said.

For the record, vacationing with children is anything but "fun" and "refreshing."

In fact, it's the complete opposite. But with Sister Wives, it's possible to have moments where you feel as though you are in fact vacationing. Like when the other mom gets to sleep in while you take the kids to the pool or you watch the kids while the other mama gets some 'me time' in the sauna.

And then there's reinforcement -- a preteen still young enough to want to play with our toddlers (they're still toddlers right?!) but at the same time old enough to stay in the hotel room while Mamas get their drink on at the hotel bar.

Moms - please stop being so hard on yourself trying to "do it all." Get yourself some damn help. Get yourself a sisterwife and preteen and enjoy.

But in all honesty, we did have a blast. Our first stop on our journey north was a diner just off the highway. Must be kid friendly right? In the midst of hoola hooping while waiting for a table at the diner, patrons judged the hell out our kids. It only got worse when the waitress turns to me, "Um, I think she just ate an ice cube on the floor under the table." See ya never again, Tiltn' Diner.

Note the side eye from judgey police officer

When life has thrown you one too many balls to juggle and you sense the feeling that you're about to drop all the balls if you don't just get away, go on vacation. Because vacationing is a humbling endeavor. My child challenged me this trip. She screamed at the top of her lungs in the restaurant, dropped a glass a bottle, convulsed on the ground as if she were having a seizure, yelled at Maggie for not being her best friend but for also being her best friend, and colored all over the hotel room walls.

"I don't know how you do it girl," Joanna empathetically said as I threw Kylan out on to the cold hotel balcony to cry it out for the second time that day.

Booze. Shared custody. Work. That's how I do it.

Of course none of this comes without guilt. Because that's what moms do, right? Place enough guilt on ourselves until its all-consuming. Trying to convince ourselves that we are not doing the right thing for our children and that we are going to ruin their future by [insert 'not doing enough statement' here]. If Joanna had a dollar for every time my mom doubt spoke to her this trip she would be rich. "But like, I don't think I'm disciplining her enough, what do you think?" "Is she a sociopath? Because she is really mean to Maggie and to people in general." "Do I not give her enough attention?".

It's exhausting. And it needs to stop.

Luckily, we had more beautiful moments than yucky ones this vacation. Like our 3 hour nap. Didn't even care that my child's ass was in my face the entire time. Long naps are like finding a golden ticket in a candy bar.

Speaking of candy. They are the perfect bribe. If a mother tells you they don't use candy or bribery as a means of parenting, don't trust that liar.

Girl scout cookies for the win

Indian Head Resort has a special place in my heart. I was married there. It was the last place I saw one of my best college friends before he left this present world. There were moments during this trip where I was taken back to a fleeting memory. It's funny how music and places can do that to you. As I sat alone in the sauna reminiscing of a night before my wedding, passing around a champagne bottle amongst my best of friends I think to myself, "how were we able to sneak a guy into the women's bathroom sauna?". At the same time I am coming to the realization that new memories will never replace the old memories that are slowly fading over time. And how important it is to capture these new experiences through photography and writing to help preserve the new and old memories so that I never forget.

Miss you, Ed.

And there were plenty of new memories made this trip. The kind of memories where you're older and nostalgic and have this burning desire to take a glimpse into the "good ol' days" so you pull up this blog to remind yourself of a time when your kid couldn't quite yet swim on her own, needed you to put her to sleep by rocking her with endless "shhhh's in her ear", and woke up bright and early yelling 'MAMA' running frantically to the bathroom to disturb you while you're on the pot.

Have you ever been swimming in the middle of winter with below freezing temperatures? If not, you should. Too hardcore? Then head to the hot tub. And talk it up with strangers while you're at it. Life is too short not to. Maybe you'll meet a chatty owner of a local pizza shop that wants your help promoting his business. Hopefully not, that was annoying.