2015, you're my favorite already
There are some people who cannot fathom being away from their children for more than 24 hours. I am not one of those people. And it took me a while to come to terms with this. As if I were a worse mother for not wanting to be with her every waking moment. Over a year later; however, I am at peace with our 50/50 custody arrangement. In fact, I think it has made me a better mother.
See when I am not with her I have nights like tonight. I go to the gym and run an extra mile because I have no extra worries of making two or three or maybe even four separate meals when I get home because my 2 year old has decided that anything soft, soggy, hard, grainy or not sugary is non-edible. When I do come home I get to take a nice long hot bubble bath with candles. I seep into a relaxing music playlist allowing it to consume me entirely rather than being sucked into anxious thoughts of what outfit I need to put out for Kylan to wear at daycare tomorrow or if she's going to sleep through the night tonight (yeah, sleep regression at 2 years old... who knew?). And then I crawl into my comfy bed and start to blog. Allowing me to set free all of the precious moments that I have mentally photographed over the past month because a terribly terrific two-year old of mine has broken my phone's camera. I am re-charged and ready for my Friday -- snowed in with my hyper-active, overly needy, sweet, sweet baby girl.
I understand that to the typical parent who has their children full-time this could come across more like a brag, it is not. There are nostalgic moments too that ache like seeing her Elmo finger paint in the tub while I bathe and peeking into her room and seeing an empty bed. These are reminders that I still am and always will be a mom, even when she is not physically in my presence.
Kylan began daycare this month. I dreamed of this day before she was even born, the day that my child would go to school. Getting to hear all about her day from the teacher and seeing her glowing face when I came to pick her up. "Dis my mama" she states matter-of-factly and points to me while looking at her classmate. I would say she is adjusting well, given the circumstances. She misses her one-on-one attention and cuddles with TiTi but she enjoys socializing and playing with the new toys in the classroom. Her teacher gives her extra snuggles because she can tell she craves the affection. I am okay with that. Unfortunately she has brought home two viruses since being there for two weeks now. But that is to be expected.
This age is tiring and challenging. It seems like she's up and down and angry and sad and frustrated all at the same time. I try hard not to take it personally when she is being stubborn and won't put on her socks or hat or mittens or coat or boots for the fifth time after I've already tried timeout three times. She's stubborn that one. And it's hard not to think what you are doing wrong. Am I not disciplining enough? Why won't she just use her words?
But there is something really remarkable about the fact that every human life was created from that one strongest/fastest sperm out of the 100 million or so racing to fertilize the egg. So it comes at no surprise that Kylan Grace is anything but average. No one else can soothe all of my sorrows with a simple, "lub you mama." That's right, she's finally said it. Of course she waited strategically to release the most precious three words I've been anxiously awaiting to hear from her for over two years. It's gotta be on her terms of course.
I love your mischievous soul. That side-eyed look you give us that says, "yeah I know I'm a punk." Or the way you yell "NO" when I start to sing in the car. Girlfriend knows what she wants and how she wants it from day 1, just like a boss. I laugh when you see me brushing my hair so you try to imitate but get the brush stuck in your adorable afro. Or when you say "BESS YOU" for not only when I sneeze but when I cough, clear my throat, or yawn. You could be mid-tantrum crying like the world is about to end but the second someone coughs you will pause and yell out "BESS YOU!" It's the sweetest. But mostly, I just love the way that you love. Your eyes light up when you get to FaceTime with "Grammie and Umpa." And you yell with joy when you hear Me-Me on the phone or when Dada comes to pick you up. This is how I know you will adjust to our family growing and our love multiplying. Because you've got plenty of love to spread around.
See when I am not with her I have nights like tonight. I go to the gym and run an extra mile because I have no extra worries of making two or three or maybe even four separate meals when I get home because my 2 year old has decided that anything soft, soggy, hard, grainy or not sugary is non-edible. When I do come home I get to take a nice long hot bubble bath with candles. I seep into a relaxing music playlist allowing it to consume me entirely rather than being sucked into anxious thoughts of what outfit I need to put out for Kylan to wear at daycare tomorrow or if she's going to sleep through the night tonight (yeah, sleep regression at 2 years old... who knew?). And then I crawl into my comfy bed and start to blog. Allowing me to set free all of the precious moments that I have mentally photographed over the past month because a terribly terrific two-year old of mine has broken my phone's camera. I am re-charged and ready for my Friday -- snowed in with my hyper-active, overly needy, sweet, sweet baby girl.
I understand that to the typical parent who has their children full-time this could come across more like a brag, it is not. There are nostalgic moments too that ache like seeing her Elmo finger paint in the tub while I bathe and peeking into her room and seeing an empty bed. These are reminders that I still am and always will be a mom, even when she is not physically in my presence.
Kylan began daycare this month. I dreamed of this day before she was even born, the day that my child would go to school. Getting to hear all about her day from the teacher and seeing her glowing face when I came to pick her up. "Dis my mama" she states matter-of-factly and points to me while looking at her classmate. I would say she is adjusting well, given the circumstances. She misses her one-on-one attention and cuddles with TiTi but she enjoys socializing and playing with the new toys in the classroom. Her teacher gives her extra snuggles because she can tell she craves the affection. I am okay with that. Unfortunately she has brought home two viruses since being there for two weeks now. But that is to be expected.
This age is tiring and challenging. It seems like she's up and down and angry and sad and frustrated all at the same time. I try hard not to take it personally when she is being stubborn and won't put on her socks or hat or mittens or coat or boots for the fifth time after I've already tried timeout three times. She's stubborn that one. And it's hard not to think what you are doing wrong. Am I not disciplining enough? Why won't she just use her words?
But there is something really remarkable about the fact that every human life was created from that one strongest/fastest sperm out of the 100 million or so racing to fertilize the egg. So it comes at no surprise that Kylan Grace is anything but average. No one else can soothe all of my sorrows with a simple, "lub you mama." That's right, she's finally said it. Of course she waited strategically to release the most precious three words I've been anxiously awaiting to hear from her for over two years. It's gotta be on her terms of course.
I love your mischievous soul. That side-eyed look you give us that says, "yeah I know I'm a punk." Or the way you yell "NO" when I start to sing in the car. Girlfriend knows what she wants and how she wants it from day 1, just like a boss. I laugh when you see me brushing my hair so you try to imitate but get the brush stuck in your adorable afro. Or when you say "BESS YOU" for not only when I sneeze but when I cough, clear my throat, or yawn. You could be mid-tantrum crying like the world is about to end but the second someone coughs you will pause and yell out "BESS YOU!" It's the sweetest. But mostly, I just love the way that you love. Your eyes light up when you get to FaceTime with "Grammie and Umpa." And you yell with joy when you hear Me-Me on the phone or when Dada comes to pick you up. This is how I know you will adjust to our family growing and our love multiplying. Because you've got plenty of love to spread around.
Comments
Post a Comment