I'll love you forever.
I have a "big girl" now. I'm reminded when my sister who hasn't seen her in months runs to her and asks, "when did you become a CHILD?". Thanks, Steph. As if I needed that reminder.
Ky titls her head to the side and in a very cute and innocent voice exclaims: "HUHHHH?"
There are few things in life I panic over as I have a relatively low anxiety level. Kylan becoming old enough to make her own decisions and not need me anymore? Yup, that's one of them.
As a single mom, I let her figure things out on her own more often that I would like to admit. I don't have the extra set of hands to hold her while climbing up the stairs while carrying in the groceries, diaper bag, my laptop bag, etc. So she's learned quickly how to do things a child of her age may not normally know how to do. For example, she's climbed out of her crib and opened up her bedroom door every.single.night this week. If that doesn't surprise you then maybe this will. The other day, I looked away for 2 seconds (okay maybe it was more like 5) and she was hanging on the monkey bars! Like a 7 year old kid looking at me with a facial expression of both fear and pride. HOW THE F DID YOU GET UP THERE?! I screamed at myself as I dashed over to her before she almost paralyzed herself.
She's observant that one. And nimble too. I used to worry that she didn't talk enough. "But my friend's kid is like 3 months older than Ky and can say her ABC's and this other mom has a kid that's like the same age as Ky and she is potty trained!" I complained to my family and friends. I'm learning to stop comparing -- in all aspects of life. We are all different and unique. Besides, it causes unnecessary stress. So what if she can't speak full sentences? They aren't even cute anymore once they can talk back to you anyway.
Thankfully, last night I was reminded how dependent she still is. She wouldn't let me leave her bedroom without patting her on her butt. I reminisced to a moment when she was 7 months old. We had recently transitioned her to the crib and she couldn't sleep without assistance. The butt pat saved our lives. So last night, after about 18 minutes of leaning over the crib, aching back and cramping arm, I tried walking away slowly making sure to tip toe and step on the sections of the floor I knew made the least amount of sound. No dice. The second she realized what was going on, Girlfriend jumped up like a ninja and grabbed on my arm to continue the butt pat. And so I did, reminding myself: "one day she won't need you. One day she may even "hate" you." Yeah I get morbid like that sometimes.
It's not always beautiful. There are moments when it's challenging and they make you question your entire reason for having kids in the first place. But they are only temporary moments. The feelings of accomplishment, unconditional love, and satisfaction that come with seeing your child grow up, smile, ask for your help, fall asleep in your arms, kick their first ball, make a new friend, and enjoy LIFE last forever. On a bad day I draw from these memories to help with my sadness and to remember how blessed I truly am.
Ky titls her head to the side and in a very cute and innocent voice exclaims: "HUHHHH?"
There are few things in life I panic over as I have a relatively low anxiety level. Kylan becoming old enough to make her own decisions and not need me anymore? Yup, that's one of them.
As a single mom, I let her figure things out on her own more often that I would like to admit. I don't have the extra set of hands to hold her while climbing up the stairs while carrying in the groceries, diaper bag, my laptop bag, etc. So she's learned quickly how to do things a child of her age may not normally know how to do. For example, she's climbed out of her crib and opened up her bedroom door every.single.night this week. If that doesn't surprise you then maybe this will. The other day, I looked away for 2 seconds (okay maybe it was more like 5) and she was hanging on the monkey bars! Like a 7 year old kid looking at me with a facial expression of both fear and pride. HOW THE F DID YOU GET UP THERE?! I screamed at myself as I dashed over to her before she almost paralyzed herself.
She's observant that one. And nimble too. I used to worry that she didn't talk enough. "But my friend's kid is like 3 months older than Ky and can say her ABC's and this other mom has a kid that's like the same age as Ky and she is potty trained!" I complained to my family and friends. I'm learning to stop comparing -- in all aspects of life. We are all different and unique. Besides, it causes unnecessary stress. So what if she can't speak full sentences? They aren't even cute anymore once they can talk back to you anyway.
Thankfully, last night I was reminded how dependent she still is. She wouldn't let me leave her bedroom without patting her on her butt. I reminisced to a moment when she was 7 months old. We had recently transitioned her to the crib and she couldn't sleep without assistance. The butt pat saved our lives. So last night, after about 18 minutes of leaning over the crib, aching back and cramping arm, I tried walking away slowly making sure to tip toe and step on the sections of the floor I knew made the least amount of sound. No dice. The second she realized what was going on, Girlfriend jumped up like a ninja and grabbed on my arm to continue the butt pat. And so I did, reminding myself: "one day she won't need you. One day she may even "hate" you." Yeah I get morbid like that sometimes.
It's not always beautiful. There are moments when it's challenging and they make you question your entire reason for having kids in the first place. But they are only temporary moments. The feelings of accomplishment, unconditional love, and satisfaction that come with seeing your child grow up, smile, ask for your help, fall asleep in your arms, kick their first ball, make a new friend, and enjoy LIFE last forever. On a bad day I draw from these memories to help with my sadness and to remember how blessed I truly am.
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