Solitude

sol·i·tude

 noun \ˈsä-lə-ˌtüd, -ˌtyüd\

: a state or situation in which you are alone usually because you want to be

When you are in a serious relationship for all of your adult life you forget how it feels to be "alone." Society does not favor loneliness especially as you age. The "old maid" is a phrase for a reason. Yet what is there to fear regarding finding oneself through deep inner-reflection and self-understanding discovered through solitude? Is it healthy to depend on another being to keep you "grounded" or "sane"? Does that not make you more pathetic than the miserable couple who has settled on a complacent life and thus cannot live without one another because that is all they know? 

Change is difficult. But it is fundamental to growth and development. Making the final decision to close a chapter in your life can often be harder than not having the choice at all. Luckily, I woke up one day and chose to live life.

I am learning more and more to trust my gut and to stop blaming myself for others actions toward me. Small people belittle your ambitions yet great people help you seek greatness and purpose. I'm making it my mission to detox and let go of the little people in my life to make room for the great.

This journey is long and often times tiring. When I become lazy and doubtful of a life I feel as though I can only dream of, I turn to my daughter and find strength in her. She is my constant in this world of continuous evolution. And maybe its unfortunate that I need her when really what I need is solitude, but in her I find peace and forgiveness.

Friends. Kylan. Love. Writing. Learning. Exercising (in moderation). Cooking. These are the things that make me happy. And when I forget to pay attention to my happiness I forget to live. And that's just plain stupid.